Hi all, I am posting this under a different journal because I do not want anyone I know in real life to see this or see what I am going through. I am a long time member of WLS I am over 3 years post op and down about 150 lbs. I am really struggling with food issues lately. In november I got sick and lost a few pounds. I had been about the same weight since I was 2 years out. And not gained or lost anything. I saw the loss in November and it got me on a downward spiral that I feel is quickly getting out of control. I would have days where I wouldn't eat or only eat once because I just really wasn't hungry. Mind you I am not the poster child for WLS. I drink coffee and diet soda all day, never never enough protein etc. After november, I started not eating for maybe 2-3 days in a row, just drinking. Then I would have "binge days" which still really never amounted to probably more than 2000 cals a day. I started using laxatives, cause I love that EMPTY feeling. I felt so gross about eating the days I DO eat, I just wanted to get rid of it. I take 6-8 ex lax at a time and sometimes drink mineral oil to get rid of it, and I get distressed if it doesn't work right away. I have lost 15 pounds in the last 2 months. I am wearinfg a 6-8 and my medium tops are swimming on me. my face and upper body look emaciated, not so much on my ass, but I have SOOOO much extra skin, it is hideous. I feel hideous and out of control, and just shitty. I hate myself right now. I am lying to my while family, I haven't told my husband or my mother. I can't i really can't. My "friends" are worthless. I tried to bring it up to my one friend, and she actually had the balls to say to me, "well it isn't like you couldn't lose a few more pounds." Mind you she is a big girl, and actually posted in her blog about not wanting to be the fat friend. I am feeling really isolated right now and just would like some advice -ideas -support etc..... I am going to maybe ask the doctor about an antidepressent, because this is really got me very low. Thanks, all for listening to my rant, Freaky.